A not-so-perfect Perfectionist

The problem:

I don’t know about you guys, but I’ve been feeling a little off for a while – last term felt really long and a bit brutal.

A lot of the people I’ve spoken to recently feel the same way. Maybe you are waking up in the middle of the night with your heart racing, you might wake up and worry about things, or you might be afraid …. You aren’t alone.

We know the demand for counselling and psychologists is only increasing…

According to some stats in Forbes Health:

Worldwide: [Since 2020], the number of anxiety and depressive disorders grew. 

Depressive symptoms grew from a base of about 193 million people worldwide to 246 million, which is about 28%.

Anxiety disorders grew from about 298 million people affected to 374 million, which is about a 25% increase.

Now because I’m a person who reflects a bit (overthinks) I’ve been attempting to find the source of my decline in mood. While I like to look inside to find the source of things, problems etc, there are professionals who can help with that, and I highly recommend that you seek them out if you are feeling at all like I’ve discussed. In fact, I utterly recommend it. – If you feel you are one of the 246 million people or the 374 million people suffering at the moment one of the crucial things you need to do is seek professional help.

Now I am a Christian, which I hope doesn’t come as news to you, and so after too much introspection once again I remember that I should also seek answers from God. And so, one morning on the way to school when I was having a bit of a read of my Bible app (I was not driving at the time) I came across this verse – which really stood out to me. I was doing a bit of a word search for peace.

Now, all the familiar ones were there and I skimmed over them and then there was this one … and instantly I felt that it addressed where some of us might just find ourselves right now.

A cause:

Now you know what I’m going to do right – break this up … into a few key terms.

Soul can be defined as: your mind, your emotions, and your will, the spiritual part of humans. The essence of who you are, the part of you that lives on after your body passes away, the part of you that will remain, the part of you that loves, the part of you that thinks and feels ….

Dwelling can be defined as where you live or where you are a resident.

And I think we all know what the difference between hate and peace is.

To put it simply  – hate is something that is destructive, and peace is restorative.

Who you are sitting with, where you and your thoughts, your mind and your soul dwell will either contribute to your peace or it will rob you of your peace.

Tim Keller said: Our character is mainly shaped by our primary social community – the people with whom we eat, play, converse, and study.

I think we can paraphrase this to relate also to the soul, and certainly to your peace: Your family, your friends, your church community, your sporting community, your school community, your online community, your social media community, and your gaming community, will shape or steal your peace.

In case you aren’t sure what it is that steals your peace – it’s probably most likely to be connected to the thing that wakes you up at night. The thing that keeps you from rest. The thing that keeps you from peace.

I’ve spent too many hours over the years on social media, reading comments made by strangers and sometimes friends that steal my peace.

Too long my soul has had its dwelling on social media with those who want to argue, name call and bully.

In the past, I have enjoyed more than my share of good ol’ true crime, unsolved mysteries, inside the mind of a serial killer docos …

Too long my soul has been dwelling with serial killers on Netflix ….

I want you to think about what you would put here to fill in your own statement.

Too long my soul has been dwelling with …

And it honestly might be that you are living in parts of the internet you don’t want: your family, your friends, your church community, your sporting community, your school community, your online community, your social media community, your gaming community, to find out about.

The solution:

To put yourself in the presence of those who love peace or better still those who bring peace. You know who they are.

I think that is a great start but there is a longer-term solution.

The first step and most important step is of course – a relationship with Jesus – the source of our peace, which begins with:

1. An acknowledgment of who He is: The only sinless, and the only perfect, person ever to have lived. The most peace-filled and peaceful person to walk the earth.
2. An acknowledgement of who you are: a sinner in the sight of God – someone who is not able to able to create or bring about your own peace.
3. An acknowledgement that His perfection and your sin means that belief in Him and His death is the only way to bridge the gap between you and God which will bring you present and eternal peace.

Then there’s another step you can take:

Now some of you here have taken that first step – and yet you find yourself still in the position that I was saying I’m finding myself in at the moment from time to time. That weighed down, tired, fearful, sad, worried spot, that waking up in the middle of the night with your heart-pounding spot. Maybe you know that Jesus, the Prince of Peace is with you, but you still wake up in the night … the solution is found in Philippians 4: 8,9

Maybe it’s time to stop doing some of those things that you know steal your peace. For example, I’ve stopped watching serial killer docos … for now. Because I’ve run them through the filter – are they true – well yes … but from that point on they fail, they are not honourable, or right, they are not pure or wholesome, they are not lovely, they do not bring peace and they are not admirable.

And so maybe from time to time, it’s not a bad idea to do a purge of your socials.

I’ve started to alter my online algorithms a bit by skipping some reels and watching others. At the moment to be honest what I’m being fed is people slipping on the ice, cats doing something funny, inspirational quotes and a couple of comedians. You’ll notice I’m not saying stop gaming, delete your socials, and throw your phone in the pool. Just be mindful of where your soul is dwelling.

Now for those of you in the audience: who’ve skipped the Jesus step, because you aren’t interested in the Jesus stuff. We are truly sorry. Because as long as you choose a life without the Jesus stuff it will be a life in which you will never truly experience peace. 

And so Christians, if you like me, are from time to time awake at night – I want to challenge you to look more closely at where your soul has been dwelling that day, and run your thoughts through this filter. This filter works in two ways.  Simply looking at it helps you to do exactly what it tells you to, think the verse through and you’ll find yourself focused on what is true. Then you get to focus more on being a person who dwells in peace and who brings peace to others.

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This was originally written as a chapel talk for senior school students.

As I followed him down the hallway last week, I was struck by the difference a few years can make. 

He’s much taller than me now, by at least a head. That same head that used to rest in the hollow of my arm. 

Day by day, the shoulders are becoming broader and stronger, and it becomes clear to me that the shoulders that once shook with sobs over small injustices, are built to carry loads all of their own. 

The feet now so many sizes bigger than my own, that once fitted neatly into the palm of my hand, are about to make their own way in the world.

If I could turn back the clock, just a little, I would.

Not for his sake – but for mine.

If I could wake up in the middle of the night to the cries again – I think this time I’d be more patient. 

I’d probably read an extra story or two each night, with the voices as requested. 

I’d sing a few more bedtime songs, and I’d probably even go and fetch more, much needed drinks of water. 

I’d definitely play with Lego more often. 

I guess the important thing now is to live these moments as they occur.

The school days are passing just as they are meant to, maybe a little too quickly for my liking. Wishing the earlier days back just means I miss now and now is beautiful too. Did I ever imagine I’d be discussing “Macbeth” or “King Lear”with that little guy who was requesting another reading of “The Gruffulo” with the voices ? I’m not conscious that thought ever crossed my mind! Yet here we are.  

That essence of that little guy is still there – he’s just older now, he’s wiser, but he’s still kind, he’s still joyful, he’s the things I’d hoped and prayed he would be. 

Maybe as parents we don’t realise that in order for them to become the people we hope they’ll be, we end up feeling a little left behind.

I didn’t realise that one day I’d be the one popping into his room for a chat. I didn’t realise I’d be wishing that time would slow down just a little. 

I’m beginning to understand the sentiment behind those “it goes so quickly, enjoy every moment” comments I heard as an exhausted, overwhelmed parent of a newborn.

But, it’s happening the way it should. He’s ready for the next stage – the school days are nearly done. 

It’s me who isn’t quite ready … but I’ve got a few weeks and I’m working on it! 

Keep Calm and Carry On

(til they tell you to stop)

This week I think I’ve started to realise what “Keep Calm and Carry On” really means and the importance of this axiom. With each new piece of advice from the government, we adjust and we continue on. As teachers, we are kind of tone setters for a significant number of people who are in our care each day.  And I think we are doing okay, the feeling of uncertainty and anticipation is a little exhausting … but calmness is the overarching theme.

Calmness, like panic, seems to be contagious, as are gratitude and joy. This is coming from the woman who this morning launched a full-scale cleaning assault on her nightstand in an attempt to regain some sense of control over things!  Of all the areas to focus on! So I’m clearly still in the learning phase.

Give us this day our daily bread

(or panadol, toilet paper, pasta, Ventolin)

With things as they are: the Planner (control freak) in me is working over-time. She’s seeing people stockpiling and wondering if she should, then remembering, of course, she shouldn’t be, the stockpilers are causing others to stockpile, which is causing panic … and remember we are going to “keep calm and carry on”. Then she sees someone stockpiling … repeat cycle.  She’s totally exhausting the part of me that wants to be laid back and calm who keeps repeating “the main thing is to be calm” …

The Planner is currently in check, she’s not stockpiling, but she is low-key planning ahead and raising questions like How am I going to cook bread? The Planner then gets Keep Calm me regretting my life choices .. why wasn’t I one of those “bread making” wives and mothers?? Why didn’t I ask for a bread maker at Christmas time in case this situation ever arose … (Pun because of the bread) In fact, requesting a bread-maker is actually the yeast I could have done for the family to avoid the bread shortage that is just around the corner. (It’s not really happening — Planner me is getting carried away again.) Before we go on, however, to my family reading this, neither Planner me nor Keep Calm me wants a bread-maker … or a Thermomix. That’s for those Thermo mixers out there who are about to attempt to sell us one. Yes, I know your Thermie can do everything… and yes I know you mean EVERYTHING. Yes, you can probably even make toilet paper in it if you pick the right setting. In fact, I expect once we are all in the inevitable isolation period yet to hit us full scale in Australia – your trusty ol’ Thermomix will whip up a few extras rolls of tp and then get right on to teaching the kids quadratic equations.

Seriously though, this thing isn’t going away and we need to be wise and we need to take it all day by day. That message here is for me by the way. The most confronting thing this past week for me has been realising how often in my life I actually believe myself to be in control, and I’m not. What I find myself being reminded of yet again is the perceived level of control I have over my life is little more than a single-ply toilet-tissue thin veneer …

That’s why the prayer Jesus modeled for us is about daily bread … necessities … not enough to stockpile, but enough for the day.

So, that’s just about it, my return to the blog is short, well because I have bread-making techniques to research.

Just to clarify there is no bread shortage … Planner me just trying to preempt one. I think what will happen is after the first attempt at bread, Keep Calm me will decide that maybe we can live without it for a while! Then the Planner will move on to other more serious considerations like; should we have bought chickens like our friends did?  We do eat quite a few eggs … and bacon … maybe we should have acquired some pigs?

Before I go some thoughts from Keep Calm me — a few gems to meditate on:

Disclaimer:

We don’t need bread, please don’t give us bread … or chickens … or a pig … or a bread maker or a Thermomix … it’s hyperbole.

If you need anything friends, let us know .. ask or tell someone … there are people out there who will help and share!!

Perhaps it’s because teacher me is marking and drafting at the moment or perhaps it’s because I’ve reached the time of year when my focus on things turns towards the hyper – but I’ve been thinking about the difference between waiting on and waiting in. What follows should not be considered a foray into some unchartered area of lexical discovery, nor should it be considered of academic value – it’s just one of the things I’ve been thinking.

The Christian life is one of waiting in God.

While waiting on God is what we are told to do, I’ve been thinking the way some of us talk about “waiting on God” seems a little passive. It sounds a bit more like wishful thinking. It often relates to the things we want … I think it rolls off the tongue too easily.  Comments like, “Oh well we’re waiting on God” are so often repeated and heard that they begin to sound a little empty, like platitudes. It’s difficult not to hear a bit of a negative tone to it – almost as though God is falling behind my plans – His timing is a little slack on this “thing” … and I’m waiting for Him to catch up with me.

I’ve been thinking that waiting in God perhaps has a better tone/connotation to it.  It seems less passive and more like a place of security,  a place of peace,  a place of comfort, a place of shelter, more like an act that is associated with relationship. In this case “in” is where you belong, where you are at home, where you are known, where you are a member of the family.

Waiting in God conjures the imagery of being surrounded by Him, the visual of being so close and so completely enveloped that neither of you has fallen behind the other. One is, in fact, carrying the other through the storms, trials, sorrows, and joys of life. The two are bound together, one is abiding in the other. In John 15 – there are some fairly clear guidelines regarding the life of a Christian – Abiding in the vine …. that has somewhat informed my thoughts around this idea – on the vine is something a passing beetle might do for a period of time.

Waiting in God through circumstances requires trust, you need to know Him to wait in Him. You need to know something about who He is,  and also something about who you are. It’s not possible to wait in someone, who you feel is inferior to you, and as long as you think God owes you something or God needs to work according to your time frame; whether or not you want to admit it, you view Him as inferior to you.  You won’t wait in someone who you feel has let you down, someone who has failed you, someone who is at your beck and call – that’s someone who is easier to wait on than wait in.

One more thing I have realised is when I am waiting in Him, the enemy can still take shots at me. In fact, you can guarantee the shots will keep coming. If I am in Him the shots aimed at me are absorbed by One who is greater. And maybe if they are really getting to me, I’m on the outside, like a passing beetle, instead of being inside — a member of the family.

Maybe all I’m suggesting is that as we wait on Him, which we all do, those times afford us the opportunity to examine ourselves as to whether we are also waiting in Him.

Scars are incongruous with the life of ease we desire.

A life of ease does not include scars or pain.

A life of ease is one where self is satisfied

A life of ease does not lend itself to compassion.

A life of ease does not need a Saviour.

A life of ease does not need a Mediator.

A life of ease does not need a Redeemer.

A life of ease needs no Creator.

A life of ease needs no Sacrifice.

A life of ease is not the life of Christ.

The closer you draw to Him, the clearer your vision of the hands that are healing and ministering to you becomes, and with that clarity you see those hands are scarred.

Scarred because of your shame, your pride, your fears, your wrongs. 

Some days we forget that we have been called to follow one who suffered.

One who suffered

Loss,

Humiliation,

Rejection,

Abandonment,

Abuse,

False accusations,

Pain,

Separation

…

Scars are a sign of suffering, a sign that something went wrong – but they can also be a sign of reparation.

The life of ease you long for does await you.

It has been fought for and won for you. The scars He now bears are the scars He earned in that battle.

When we have difficult days that cause us to long for that life of ease, we need to remember that the difficult days are days that will be used to grow us more into His image. And the more we grow into His image, the more we have to recognise some of the most defining moments in our experience of being conformed to His image, result in scars.

After all, that’s how we truly came to know Him and His heart – through His scars. And it is our scars that draw us closer to Him.