Waiting

2070527_Hourglass-Clock-Time-Race-Measure-700x450So we’re kind of waiting again…

Waiting through pest and building inspections, then if they come back ok, we’ll be waiting to move. It’s not that there isn’t plenty to keep us busy in the meantime, believe me!

There’s a household to pack up, work to do, assignments to mark, end of year functions to attend, bills to pay – a myriad of them! But through it all I guess we’re waiting. Waiting to hear if THIS house is to be ours … waiting to move into it if it is.

I know that God wants me to learn something from this. Because waiting is something I do poorly. I’m really very impatient.
I know He wants me to know in my heart that He is able, that His plans are best, that His timing is best and that I don’t need to have all the information in order to trust Him.

In fact if someone was to come to me for advice and they were in a situation like this, I’d give a very eloquent speech. A speech about God and how that He is a Father who loves you and desires that you will trust Him. I’d explain that He’s worthy of trust. I’d tell that person to look back over their life and look at the times when God has had a better plan in store. I’d believe every word of it … for them. But for some reason there are days when I don’t seem to have it in my heart as a truth for me.
And sadly I think the reason is as simple as this, I’m really good at trusting God when I think I can see what He’s doing. But is that really trusting God? The honest answer is, no. It’s trusting in self. It’s a trust in my belief that I can predict God’s actions, direction, plans and will in my life. Yep I said it – I think there are days when in my arrogance I think I can predict the way God is going to work! And on those days I draw some comfort from the idea that I know what is ahead. Probably the biggest crises in my life have been when I’ve been taken by surprise by events, that I didn’t fully predict. I thought I was going one way. God knew I was going another way. The things that have surprised me have never surprised Him, He knew them, He was even working to prosper me through them. I know I can trust Him. But I think deep down, I still desire a certain level of predictability because then I don’t have to trust fully.

Maybe you know what I mean.

I’ve caught myself doing it over the years – praying and pleading with God through difficult times, asking that things would get easier so that I might (and this is the kicker) not have to rely on Him so fully. Asking that I could see what’s ahead because – and I may have even said it earlier this week … “Then I can handle it“.
These are not prayers that God will honour. He does not desire for me to need Him less. Deep down it’s not my desire either. God’s desire for me is that I grow increasingly dependant on Him and less independent.
But when does this truth drop down from my head to my heart?
I wonder if there’s a fear that also holds the trust back. I fear a loss of independence, a little pride again?

God is good, I’d say to the person in my situation. If He does withhold this thing from you it’s because it’s not good for you. How do I know this? Because it’s true, He is a Father who will not withhold good things from us when we are walking with Him.  Neither will He give us the bad things we keep asking for that we think we need.
Tim Keller says –

God will only give us what we’d ask for if we knew all He knows.

Sometimes we want stones instead of bread. But He is good, He gives us good things. The prayer that requests freedom from dependence on Him, is not asking for a good thing. It’s asking for a life of stones instead of a life filled with bread, a life free from the life-giving bread. What kind of life is that?
Asking for that kind of life is foolish. In that kind of prayer we are, I am, as CS Lewis says:

like ignorant child[ren] who want to go on making mud pies in a slum because [we] cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.

So we wait on God and His timing – and I try to resist the urge to ask for all the answers. Because I do know deep down, God will give them to me if I need them.

One day I hope I’m going to post a photo of our new home …

And let’s not forget we’re all heading towards our true home in heaven. I think we even get mansions there – and I hope we get to swing by and check each other’s out. No need for building or pest inspections there!

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