Don’t you slam that door !!

Last week I learned a few little things about myself… again! I’m loving all this learning!
One of the things I learned is that there is such a thing as a “INFJ door slam” Yes I’m still reading up on all that stuff. But it’s ok, apparently this reading up on personality types is something that my personality type does! We love all the info.

So the door-slam? You can read a bit about it here (door slam).

Screen Shot 2015-07-27 at 6.32.16 pm

source: introvertdear.com

Yep I do it. I know I’ve done it. Some of you may also know that I do it. Sometimes it’s a big deal.
Sometimes it’s a temporary thing. Interactions with people cost me energy, if you are someone who I have to constantly contribute my energy to but don’t get much in return from I will eventually need to take a break.
Sometimes this will look like a door slam, it isn’t, I’m just trying to find space.

There are in reality only a few people who I would say I’ve slammed. I understand this is not a good thing, it’s not something I’m especially proud of – not exactly the way a Christ-follower should behave.

I am aware that I’m Darcy-ish once again not something I’d list as a strength.

There was a little bit of an incident on a school bus last week. Some kids decided to pick on my son and his friend. Obviously very serious stuff for year 7 and 8s – it hinged on people sitting in the wrong seats. I wasn’t there I didn’t get involved (I didn’t even know about it until after that fact) but the teacher in charge did his bit – all done and dusted. Administration spoke to the kids. All done beautifully I believe, but the problem that I had was, that it turned out, I teach the kids who did the “picking on”. Maybe I should use the “bullying” word?

Now the old Anne tendency would be … well you know what it is by now. Mother Bear time … not pretty, words, angry words, an avalanche of them …

I didn’t teach them for a few days after the incident so I’d had my cooling-off time. I was super angry, but I was also aware that I actually know the kids who just happened to choose the wrong kid to pick on. They seem to like me, they seem to like my class. They didn’t know the kid they picked on was mine – different last names. I don’t mention him by name in class. I probably didn’t do this because I figured he might cop it when I do give detentions etc. Maybe if I had name dropped it might not have happened, I’m stunned that he didn’t name drop himself. I’m kind of proud that he didn’t – no threats of “Wait until my mum hears about this”.
Anyway I had a bit of a disturbed night, the first night after it happened. I didn’t know how I was going to respond to these two boys. I had an inkling that my response might not be what it should be.
I knew there was a lesson in it for all of us. The boys on the bus, my boy and me.

I thought about how I could let them know about my displeasure, but did I really need to? I felt like they’d probably already heard enough from others at school. It still didn’t stop the “J” in me planning.

Plan A
Track them down and give them a piece of my mind.

Plan B
Wait for them to come to me in class,give them a piece of my mind but do it subtly – use my powers as a story telling teacher to weave a tale …thereby revealing their guilt.

I could a tale unfold whose lightest word
Would harrow up thy soul, freeze thy young blood,
Make thy two eyes, like stars, start from their spheres,
Thy knotted and combined locks to part
And each particular hair to stand on end … (Hamlet)

Plan C
Read less Hamlet – just because you are studying Hamlet with year 11 students – it doesn’t mean you have to live it! Or if reading less isn’t an option, at least remember one of the main messages of Hamlet.
Revenge is not a dish best served cold, revenge is a dish best not served – ever.

Plan D
Maybe read your Bible, pray about this attitude of your heart. Meditate on the restorative properties of grace and mercy. Think about being a recipient of grace and what that’s done for you. Maybe you should offer it to others too.

Ponder the question from the behaviour management PD we had two weeks ago.
Have I kept my half of the relationship bridge intact?
My tendency, where issues like this are involved, is to burn that bridge – slam that door.

So I had a few days to cool down; I didn’t slam any doors, I didn’t burn any bridges. We had our lesson and the end of the lesson, as the class exited the room, I asked the two boys to stay back. They appeared to be under the impression that pain was about to descend upon them.
I was brief and to the point.

Boys, I guess you know why I’ve kept you back.

Yes, miss. (Tears were imminent.)

I hope you learned a valuable lesson on Thursday.

Yes, miss.

I’m going to be honest, I was very angry for a few days. It’s probably good for all of us that I haven’t had you until today.

(Silence – eyes widened)

I think you know why … you both have mothers.

Yes miss. (Relief and vigorous nods of agreement)

But we start fresh today – as though Thursday didn’t happen.

Yes miss.

Don’t make me regret it though. (still got the INFJ in there after all)

No miss, thank-you miss. (They scuttled away)

I learned something about me. What sometimes feels like an uncontrollable spirit in me, can be reined in by the Holy Spirit. Being in a position where I honestly don’t know how to act or what to do, is the best place for that to occur.
I now know that I can do the thing I know I should when I let him operate within me, and put me aside. I’m not always inclined to show mercy but I can … and guess what I’m still a “J” but maybe I can be a “J” who operates under the control of the spirit a bit more than I do now.

Maybe not only do perfectionists need the gospel but INFJs do too… and the other 15 types.
Not only do we need to experience grace, mercy and forgiveness – but sometimes we need to let others experience a little of it through our actions. The more we become like that, the more it will happen. The more it happens, the more we become like Him.
Then there’s the scary bit – we can’t develop these things in a life of ease or on undisturbed seas.
I’m not saying “bring it on”.
I am saying, when it comes, and it will, maybe I’ll try to be more aware that there’s a lesson to be learned here. An opportunity to develop some very un-me-like (yep – just made that one up) fruit of the spirit.

keep-calm-and-don-t-slam-the-door-3

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2 Responses to Don’t you slam that door !!

  1. Marissa says:

    I, too, struggle with the tendency to door-slam and the knowledge that it’s not usually what Jesus would want. One of the things I hope to get out of my studies of Myers-Briggs theory is knowledge about my weaknesses and potential pitfalls so I can pray more specifically about these struggles and try to more effectively overcome them.
    Thanks for the link-back to my blog. I’m always happy to meet another INFJ Christian in the blogosphere 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Marissa- you’re very welcome. I really enjoyed reading what I’ve read of your blog so far.
      Yes, it’s great to meet another Infj who is a Christian, and is working through some of the same weaknesses.
      I look forward to reading more 🙂
      Anne

      Like

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