It’s been a while, hey?
Sunday afternoon is kind of my writing time unless some other burning thought must be expressed sooner. The past three weeks I’ve had an assessment task due each Sunday … none this week. Now that’s not to say that I have nothing else to do – it’s just that nothing has a deadline looming close.
I read an interesting article this week on the topic of The Imposter Syndrome (read it here) and it would be remiss of me not to mention my most recent incident with this. It was about 3 hours ago.
As part of the subject I am doing, a compulsory writing task had to be completed by last Sunday. I avoided it for a few weeks. The idea of having to write an essay answering an unseen question filled me with fear, dread and a deep seated suspicion that I was about to be found out. The degree to which I was going to be found out would not only affect my hopes of studying but also my present career. Yes, Anne, the English teacher, was about to be revealed as a person, nay, an English teacher who expects more from her students than she can do herself, she can’t even answer a simple question in written form. Well, at least, that’s what was being yelled at me as I was removed from my teaching job … my imagination is a little melodramatic.
Then today I remembered (yes I’d forgotten about it) that it might have been marked by now – true enough it had. So the piece is compulsory and the result doesn’t count towards anything other than whether or not I was going to be allowed to keep studying and/or keep my job (imaginary scenario).
So I logged on to find I had achieved a 1, “Oh, my prophetic soul!” – as my friend Hamlet would say. Now what??!! Well, now I guess they ask me to leave the course because I’m a fraud and a little bit too stupid to be studying psychology at my age (you know brain function deteriorating and all). Which then of course leads to my job – I’ll be jobless – after all, who wants an English teacher who gets a 1 in a 30 minute writing task that has a minimum of 150 words. How did I manage to fail that?!
These “you’re a fake and a failure” thoughts tend to visit me quite regularly. Most often just after I hit the publish button on this little blog here.
So as I gazed at the number 1 on my screen – I noticed a little button
It helps to have more information if you are really going to freak out in grand style. So I clicked on it – only to discover that a 1 is what you want. So… I guess I’ll be able to keep studying and it’s unlikely that I’ll lose my job (this week) … which means I should probably get that holiday marking done!
So it’s interesting that I’d be reading up on Imposter Syndrome – I think it is a train of thought that I have followed from, time to time, in my entire life without knowing it. I’m still waiting for my husband to see who I am and decide he’s made a huge mistake – but then he got glasses last week – and didn’t shriek in horror, turn tail and run…though they are only reading glasses. 😉
I figure below, is what he’s going to see one day. After all, all good imposters wear glasses and have a moustache or a beard – that’s how they can fool everyone for so long.
I’ve done a little research (watched some TedTalks) and feel somewhat more enlightened – or relieved perhaps that, once again, I’m not alone.
I think that Imposter Syndrome manifests itself in many different ways and many different forms.
I’d love to see the results of a study that examined how many people who suffer from imposter syndrome are introverted people – I’d suggest that the correlation might be quite high (first year Psychology language 😉 ).
It’s a bit of a ramble tonight – but that’s where my thinking is, at the moment.
I guess the take home/take to heart thought is that:
- We should encourage each other more.
- Sometimes it is good to acknowledge people for what they do well. The best way to drown out the gremlins that Maryam Pasha speaks of might be simply to have more voices speaking the truth into each others’ lives, ears and hearts.
- Don’t dismiss the encouragement and compliments of others.